THE ODE-IOUS TOAST
(A Combined Ode and Wedding Toast)
Composed by Ken Wren - Father of the Bride

Thank you for coming. I'm Kelley's Dad and your host.
And tradition requires me to now make a toast.

But toast is only an overcooked slice of bread.
And this occasion calls for something more instead.

So bear with me please, for just a minute or two
And the "Story of Kelley" I will share with you.

Although the memories are vivid, it still took time
To include all the highlights, but still make it rhyme.

I'll do my best to keep her embarrassment down
As we travel from diapers to a wedding gown.

Born in Phoenix, while I was still in Viet Nam,
She popped out, looked around, with a "Well, Here I am!"

She arrived almost early, which made her Mom wince,
But she hasn't been on time to anything since.

Cheryl smiled at her baby, said "Let's stop at just one."
And the spoiling of Kelley Brat Wren had begun.

It was ten months later that I first could hold her:
She giggled, she cooed, she threw up on my shoulder.

She was marking her property so all would know
That she was the one in charge, where e'er we might go.

And go we did, to where ever the Army said.
Mom packed up the house and kid and away we sped.

Up north to Fort Lewis; got a one-bedroom place:
Used a walk-in closet for Kelley's nursery space.

Her crib fit inside like a casket in a hearse,
Which prepped her for college, where she lived in much worse.

It was around this time that she took her first step
And in the process she earned her hard-headed rep.

I held out a dill pickle, just short of her reach
And wouldn't move it closer, ignoring her screech.

I wouldn't give in, but she wanted to get it.
She took a small step, seized the pickle and bit it.

The taste really surprised her, sour was something new.
She contorted her face, very wide her eyes grew.

Her mother and I were still laughing at this sight
When she swallowed and then went for another bite.

I snatched the pickle, held it out of reach again.
She took another step and grabbed it with a grin.

Once more she took a nibble and made that sour face.
Each time she got a bite, required another pace.

I repeated the process a dozen times more,
'Til it dawned on the kid what her two legs were for.

She gave up crawling now that she'd conquered the walk.
And she thought that maybe it would be fun to talk.

So she started screening everything that she heard;
Listening for the special one that'd be her first word.

She could have chosen "Daddy" or even "Father"
But more than one syllable was too much bother.

She chose a Mommy word; it didn't come from me.
It started with S-H and ended with I-T.

In spite of Mom's "correcting" smacks to her behind.
Kelley used that word every chance she could find.

And then we moved to a three-bedroom apartment
Where she had a real room -- not a clothes compartment.

It only required a small damage deposit
For Kelley to finally came out of the closet.

But our time there was up, so we packed up the car
And traveled to new places, some near, and some far.

She started first grade in Stillwater, USA,
A nice, small college town, out Oklahoma way.

We settled in, planted trees, I fenced the yard.
So when our time there was over, moving was hard.

As we left there for Europe, she said, with a tear,
"When it's time for college, I am coming back here."

We spent a year and a half in north Germany,
Then four and a half more in sunny Italy.

It was the time of her life that Kelley had there,
She, with or without Mom, traveled everywhere.

It was her big chance to see that part of the world
And in every country, she got sick and she hurled.

We really should have been able to predict this;
'Cause anything that moved gave her motion sickness.

Riding a camel around the great pyramid.
She was swaying back and forth, so upchuck she did.

She climbed the tower in Pisa, even though it leaned,
But then in Venice, the canals had to be cleaned.

I remember, when the Aegean Sea we crossed.
Kelley was snackless 'cause her cookies she had tossed.

She wanted to see it all, and she paid the price:
She puked in Paris, London, and in Berlin, twice.

'Though we had lived in Europe for six years in all
When I was reassigned the dead could hear them bawl.

The wife and the kid, they really wanted to stay
But I drug them both back to the States, anyway.

To Flagstaff, Arizona, a high desert place
Where Kelley ran in many a cross-country race.

Academically, she was ahead of her peers;
And she completed high school in only three years.

We wanted to reward her; to do something grand,
So for graduation we went to Disneyland.

When she saw those rides, she wanted to try them all
But couldn't - the sign said you had to "be this tall."

And then, just like now, it was height that Kelley lacked.
One can't have everything, but at least now she's stacked.

She was in her first semester at NAU
When my next assignment, to Kansas, came through.

Kelley stayed in Flagstaff, while Mom and I set forth
To a Fort near Kansas City, named Leavenworth.

Leaving Kelley in Flagstaff at the time made sense,
But after that semester she changed residence.

Off to Oklahoma and Stillwater she flew,
And as she once predicted, went to OSU.

A Poly Sci major earns a worthless degree
But she found a job as a manager trainee.

The job wasn't that great, in fact it was grueling,
So Kelley decided she needed more schooling.

With a loan from her Grammy and waived tuition,
Kelley's master's degree was soon near completion.

Research was done, but her thesis needed written
When, with walking pneumonia, the kid was smitten.

Down with fever and her thesis getting no where
Mom wanted to make sure she got the proper care.

Because she was sick, into our basement she went,
Mom nursed her back to health while I covered the rent.

One day I was offered a job here in the Springs.
The very next day we were packing up our things.

The movers must have been getting paid by the pound
'Cause when we got to the Rockies, guess what I found.

When I opened a box that was marked "Basement Hall"
Out fell a grad student, with research notes and all.

And she made herself a home in this basement too.
I had to let her, what else could a father do?

She worked hard on her thesis and when it was done
I unlocked her chains; let her get a little sun.

Her thesis was accepted, her orals she passed.
We were happy - she had graduated at last.

But I have to admit that I still don't know why
She wanted to get a Masters ... in Poly Sci.

She had several different jobs, but none that paid well.
I thought that forever in our basement she'd dwell.

But she finally got a good job with decent pay
And I got my basement back - it was a great day!

Though she's mostly had her way since the day she hatched
She must now deal with Shane, and they're evenly matched.

They both like the outdoors and both love to ski,
And their skulls are exactly the same density.

She apparently changed while I wasn't looking
'Cause now she's into camping and gourmet cooking.

She likes fine wines and is an accomplished vintner,
He brews his own beer, so they'll stay happy all winter.

They have so much in common in uncommon things,
It is about time that they finally exchanged rings.

And this makes a great place to pause, then transition
Back to this wedding and the toasting tradition.



Please join us as Cheryl and I toast our new son-in-law and
that girl he just married.


Here's to your future successes and continued happiness.